SwampLog 3.0

God Bless The Intar-Web

The following is a transcript from my Yahoo! IM.  Read it at your own peril.

12:13:03 PM xstain2: hi... anyone there?             
12:13:20 PM himynameisdevin: Nobody here but us chickens.  Bawk!
12:13:40 PM xstain2: oh your there :) hhi...   
12:14:17 PM himynameisdevin: Hi.  ¿Quiénes son usted?
12:14:18 PM xstain2: a/s//l (age sex location)?   
12:14:30 PM xstain2: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thoight you might like to chat.
12:15:47 PM himynameisdevin: Pleased to meecha.  Lessee... 36 / M / Left field.    
12:15:37 PM xstain2: so what have you been up to himynameisdevin?

Shot fired on jet at Miami airport

From CNN.

"You get ONE armrest..."

"We need everyone to be seated before the Captain can pull back from the gate.... Everyone to be seated. Everyone to be seated...."

"I told you, use the restroom in your ticketed class..."

"We APPRECIATE exact change..."

"Do NOT use your cell phone until we get to the GATE!"

"I said KEEP YOUR SEATBELTS FASTENED until the captain has turned off the seatbelt sign..."

"Thank you for choosing American Airlines, Mr Kelleher."

[I am so going to hell....]

=M=

Overheard

M: Damn, I love this rum (a 28-year-old bottle of Ron Tascapa, brought back from Guatemala).
D: It's a very tasty rum.  You should love it.
M: I'd damn well better.  It's older than some of the girls I've dates lately.

More Overheard Gold

D: You know, that aguardiente wasn't too bad.  Not great, but not bad.
M: Good, since I'm planning on bringing back a couple more bottles from Guatemala.
D: No, dude!  Don't!  Bring back something that is actually drinkable.
M: Like what?
D: Tequila.  Good local tequila.
M: I can't drink tequila, you know that.  Whatever -- what kind?
D: Find out what the locals drink, and bring back a bottle of that.
M: The locals are all poor.  They drink aguardiente because that's what they can afford.
D: Fine.  Find out what the Guatemalans living over the poverty line drink.
M: I think I'm staying with one of the few locals above that line.
D: Excellent!  What does she drink?
M: What doesn't she drink?   You'd be proud of her.   Seriously.

Overheard

[Marty and I are doing lawnwork.  It's been three weeks since we've done so, and over four months since we've done anything in the back yard.  As I'm mowing the first bit of the back, after he's weed-whacked the hell out of the forest-like growth, he motions me to turn off my iPod.]

M, in a snooty accent: "Oh, look, dear.  The gay Democrats at the end of the block are doing yard work finally."

I haven't laughed that hard in a month.

Overheard

[Granted, only baseball junkies will find this amusing, but there it is.]

D: F-in Kenny.  Stupid dumb hothead.
M: Well, couldn't we try and slide someone through on waivers?
D: Who?  Alfonso Soriano?
M: Sure.  He'd sit around on the wire for 10 days.  Who would want him?

Overheard

M: Hey, my armpits smell like tacos.

Overheard

M: You know, I'm all for Social Security reform, but when I hear how passionate Bush is about it, it makes me cringe.  There has to be something wrong with it.
D: Well, I'm sure it will be good for the Haves, and devastating to the Have-Nots or Have-Less.
M: I just want my $1100 a month.
D: But, see, that's my point.  Financially, you're a lot better off than I am.  You'll have a better prospect of retirement than I currently do.  Social Security isn't for you.  It's for the people like me who don't have their retirement sewn up.
M: I don't care.  I'll be a millionaire by the time I retire, and my $1100 a month will be my "beer money."
D: Your "beer in Costa Rica" money.
M: I'm going to write my first novel after I retire.  "I was fleeced by a 14-year-old hooker in Costa Rica."
D: Damn, that's a good first line.  I'm gonna steal it.
M: It's a gift.  Enjoy.
D: I have to, since I'm not getting my $1100 a month from Social Security.

Overheard

(I'm at Rawlings working on weekend paperwork, when a college student walks by on his mobile phone...)

"Look, I met this girl, Teresa.  She works at Hooters, but she's not your average Hooters girl... No, she knows how to spell her own name, dude..."

Overheard

M: So, I'm thinking about going to the game Sunday.  When is it?
D: 1:05 first pitch.  Detroit.
M: Dammit.  I can't go, then.
D: Why?  too early?
M: Nope -- you know why.  At the bottom of the battery is "...Ivan Rodriguez."
D: Please.  You went last year when he came back to town.
M: Doesn't matter!  That was Florida.  National League.
D: C'mon, dude.  Detroit is barely American League.  They have a Designated Wanna-Be Hitter.