SwampLog 3.0

God Bless The Intar-Web

The following is a transcript from my Yahoo! IM.  Read it at your own peril.

12:13:03 PM xstain2: hi... anyone there?             
12:13:20 PM himynameisdevin: Nobody here but us chickens.  Bawk!
12:13:40 PM xstain2: oh your there :) hhi...   
12:14:17 PM himynameisdevin: Hi.  ¿Quiénes son usted?
12:14:18 PM xstain2: a/s//l (age sex location)?   
12:14:30 PM xstain2: im 27/f/USA. was lookin at your profile. thoight you might like to chat.
12:15:47 PM himynameisdevin: Pleased to meecha.  Lessee... 36 / M / Left field.    
12:15:37 PM xstain2: so what have you been up to himynameisdevin?

Strongly Disagree to Agree

Another personality test.  I guess I just long for the days of my youth, when I got tested like this on a monthly basis.

Perchance To Sell A Script to Soderbergh

Last night, I dreamt up a storyline for 'Ocean's 13.' It would have been a great script... had I remembered to write it down immediately upon waking up. I can only hope my Muse decides to repeat the idea tonight. Dammit.

What Are The Odds?

A tipster was Googling me yesterday, and let me know that someone had gone on "My Porn Name," and had come up with Devin Pike as a viable replacement. (The aforementioned site is here, but has VERY NSFW ads on it. You have been warned.)

So, I tried to use it, and it told me that MY porn star name was... Devin Pike.

The implications make my brain hurt.

We Will Rock You In Da Club

Curtis Jackson? Meet Freddie Mercury.

The Silence Experiment took some of 50 Cent's best tracks, and mashed 'em up good with Queen's finest. The result is Q-Unit, a scarily good mash-up project.

The scariest thing of all, though, is giving Fitty a Freddie moustache.

One Clear Moment

So, how was your ChristmaChanuKwaanziVus?

Mine was phenomenal, thanks.

If the first two holidays spent with Amanda are any indication, we're going to have an amazing life together. (Yes, I know, the "new relationship" smell is still there. Buzz off.) I haven't had a more amazing Christmas, ever. Yes, it was harried, but a lot of that was due to our ridiculous schedules leading up to the holiday weekend.

She also had to work Christmas Day, which unfortunately is par for the course -- she's a microbiologist, and virii know no holiday. Now I know what people who dated me in the past had to go through, as I dropped her off at work knowing it would be late Christmas night before seeing her again.

As for the loot, it was the first year I've earned enough to give as good as I got. The centerpiece of her gift pile was the 'Buffy, The Vampire Slayer' box set. A bit of the mystery was taken out of the gift, because I had to keep her from buying it in late November when she saw it. The "no buying anything" moratorium wasn't in effect, and when she saw it, I had to spill the secret.

My big gift? A little background.

While going to New York for a job interview in the late '80s, I was flipping through one of the ever-present Hammacher Schlemmer catalogs in the seatback pocket, and came across the most wonderful thing ever -- a toaster that made perfect hot dogs. You put two franks and two buns in their own pockets, press the button, and voila! I wanted one soooooo bad, but had no cash or credit cards.

Over the years, I quested. When I would run across it, I would never have the cash to make the purchase, and if I had the money and went back to that store, the things would be gone. Half my life, I've wanted this damned hot dog machine.

I must have told Amanda this story, because I opened this gift on Christmas morning. Squealing like a little girl. Holding it close to my chest. It was my Red Rider BB gun, my Easy-Bake Oven, my Mystery Date board game. It was the gift I always wanted, and Amanda got it for me.

We had a few friends over last night, for no other reason than to buy a couple of cases of beer and enjoy each other's company. At one point, Amanda sat down next to me, grabbed the back of my head, and kissed me. It was like every sigh of contentment I've ever had, distilled into one clear moment. Gods, I love her.

Continuity in Customs

Amanda's working today, Marty's in Los Angeles, and I'm watching the Cowboys play the Panthers to try and stay alive in the playoff hunt.

I feel like I need to talk about my Christmas memories, but they're so damned scattered it's hard to.

Growing up in North Texas, the iconic Christmas elements are seldom there. It's not snowing, it's not even all that cold, and the traffic is unbearable around malls (and really anywhere, as people try to get from place to place while avoiding everyone else).

Growing up, I spent Christmas Day at my grandparents house. The same tree, festooned with ornaments accumulated over three decades was in precisely the same spot year after year, with presents for everyone in the family piled underneath. The family would show up incrementally, with an aunt and uncle arriving from San Antonio, cousins pulling in from across town, a new addition to the family sheepishly trying to blend in.

At its height in the early 80s, there were over two dozen people at the house in DeSoto, crowded around the large dining room table and sitting in the living room in card tables at TV trays. The food was traditional fare -- ham, turkey, dressing, cranberry sauce, and an array of vegetables. Being a fussy eater, I tolerated some of it but avoided most. I just wanted to get to the presents.

There are three presents I remember most fondly from childhood -- a 'Battlestar: Galactica' Warrior's jacket, replete with the big metal fasteners in the front and starpoint insignia on the lapels; a copy of Carl Sagan's 'Cosmos,' the companion book to the landmark PBS series; and an Evel Knievel stunt bike playset.

Later in life, I would go to the family gathering sporadically, as I was mostly working on Christmas at radio or in clubs. I spent some Christmas Eves with whomever I was dating that year. Those were special times for me as well, and yet something was missing from all of them.

While I was trying to distance from the traditions my family had, I really got away from what made Christmas so special for me in my youth. The traditions were what made those days so special, and I wish I hadn't waited so long to realize it.

This year, Amanda and I will be at her parents' house tonight to open most of the presents, and on Christmas Day, we'll head out to Carrollton to my aunt Scoot's house for an early dinner.

We're already talking about next year, when we'll start our own traditions.

Happy Christmas, everyone.

Overheard

M: Donde esta podcast?
D: Uploading. It's 61 MB, because you wouldn't let me compress it any further.
M: 61 meg? Dude, I could shit 61 meg.
D: Maybe so, but at 12k a second, it'll take a while... What are you doing?
M: [wiggles in office chair] Ahhhh... I just shat out a 12 megger.
D: [shakes head] I am so glad I don't use your chair.
M: I'm squishin' a floppy.
D: You'd better be glad I'm not in the mood to post this.
M: I think you should.
D: [cracks knuckles] You asked for it.

Time Won't Take The Boy Out Of This Man

I wonder what I'll look like in twenty years.

The changes from twenty years ago to now are simultaneously subtle and dramatic. I'm the same height, and have much of the same features, but I'm quite a bit heavier, and look incredibly goofy without a goatee or some sort of facial hair.

Today, while getting ready for work, I saw a few random white hairs around my temples. There are a few stray grays in my goatee as well. Amanda says she can see it interspersed through my whole head of hair, which is totally fine. My hair is light enough where it'll be a gradual changeover, and I think it'll look fine.

Marty insists on making his grey hair go away, but I refuse to color or "augment" my hair in any way. If I go completely grey, that's alright by me. I've earned it.

VERY Last Minute Gig Notice

Working a karaoke shift tonight at Broncos Sports Bar in Hurst. Apparently, John can't get his pantyhose off in time to show up for work, so they call in the Pro from Dover.

To clarify, this is a NIGHTTIME gig, from 10:00 pm - 2:00 am. Your boss already knows they aren't going to get anything useful out of you until January 3rd, so get your ass on out.