SwampLog 3.0

Make It Funky

Just in case you thought I was slacking... well, you're normally right, but not in this case. There was no FridayFive to roll with this week, so I'm saved from my own goofiness by not checking their site until now.

The Jose Canseco trip is back on. You may remember that I was scheduled to head to Florida along with the P1 Wild-Ass Circus in July to interview Canseco while he's stuck at home under house arrest. The trip was postponed when Jose tested positive for steroid use, which is a violation of his probation. He was cleared of the charges last month, and the watch has been on.

That broadcast will now happen October 10. We leave Thursday morning, coming back late Sunday night. The possibility of watching playoff baseball with Jose Canseco at some point absolutely has my heart in a flutter.

005895

I don't know why it came as much of a surprise as it had. Maybe it was all the talk of the doubleheader that would kill off the chances of clinching the division without a one-game playoff. Maybe it was the mere fact that the Astros were playing the Milwaukee Brewers this weekend, and there was no way the Astros would spit the bit.

But, it happened. Yesterday, the Chicago Cubs clinched the National League's Central division -- the first time they've won their division for the first time since 1989. They won both games of a double-header, and will go after the Atlanta Braves next week.

And you can only imagine my delight when the Cubs recorded the final out against the Cincinnati Reds.

It was matched only by my pleasure at nailing my Dream Job audition. More on that in a bit. Time to work, now.

Open Letter to Mike Cramer

To: Mike Cramer
President, Texas Rangers Baseball Club

I've done a lot of traveling in the last ten years, and as a baseball fan I can safely say that the radio team of Eric Nadel and Vince Cotroneo ranks right up there with legendary broadcasters like Ernie Harwell and Vin Scully. I've also heard a lot of mediocre calls on baseball radio broadcasts.

Please, Mr. Cramer, keep Eric and Vince together.

When this team turns around -- and I saw good signs that they will continue to improve next season -- it would be a shame to hear an inferior color commentator alongside Eric Nadel. Vince Cotroneo is insightful, entertaining, and has amazing rapport with Nadel. By not renewing Vince's contract at the end of this season, it's a sign that those traits are not valued in a broadcaster.

---
Pax,
Devin Pike

Laughable

Michael Dell's obsession with Thinking Different brings forth from the depths of Hell the Dell Music Store (trying to leech off the success of the iTunes Music Store), and the Dell DJ (or Digital Jukebox). The photo of the new MP3 player resembles something along the lines of an iPod that had been smacked with the Windows Ugly Stick©. Amazingly bad.

However, if Dell can avoid the pitfalls of BuyMusic and put a product out there that even comes close to the iTunes Music Store, it might mean trouble. Here's hoping the iTunes for Windows project is close to
completion.

Laurence!

The second batch of photos from the Three Amigos' Cancun trip are now up. The photos, taken during our day trip to the archeological site at Chichen Itza, are adequate but fail to capture the majesty of the site.

There's a lot more to the site than the main pyramid. Various observatories, housing complexes and other ruins are scattered across the acres of the site. Our tour guide, Jorge (pronouced 'George,' much to my chagrin), told us stories upon stories of how the Mayans married astrophysics and geophysics. Synchronicity at its finest, and centuries before the Europeans wre hip to the way the cosmos worked.

I can only point to a handful of times where my mind was truly broadened, and this one tops the list.

SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!

Just ran across this posting from Media Whores Online, and I'm totally on-board:

So much fun was had last week's "Talk Like a Pirate" Day that a new day was inspired on which people could talk like someone whose every utterance induces howls of laughter from listeners: Friday, September 26 is "Talk Like O'Reilly" Day!

Some advice for novices who might be asking, "How can I talk like O'Reilly?":

Beginners can do impressively well in their first efforts at talking like O'Reilly if they simply remember two words: "SHUT UP!"

You can sharpen your skills by testing them on your boss the first thing Friday morning. When he approaches you at your desk and attempts to assign you a task, simply yell "SHUT UP!" before he has a chance to finish a sentence. Each time he opens his mouth to talk to you, scream "SHUT UP!" or "SHUT UP! SHUT....UP!"

Once you've detected a fair amount of frustration on his face and your coworkers begin to gather on the scene, point to someone at random and yell "You! You! Cut his mic! Cut his mic!"

You'll be amazed at how easy it is to Talk Like O'Reilly. Once you master the basics, you can begin to include other O'Reilly classics in your repertoire. Some suggestions:

* Make up some dramatic stories about your blue-collar upbringing, including telling anyone who will listen that you were standing up for the little guy at the age of two
* Read about a local court case, and then call up the local Bar association to complain about one of the lawyers and request disciplinary action be taken against him. If you're told his conduct is within ethical boundaries, berate the bar association as a sleazy clique of amoral parasites
* Each time you hear someone say "fair," "balanced," or "and," run to the boss and demand he file a lawsuit against that person
* Steer every conversation toward a discussion of the fact that we're currently fighting World War III
* Delivery and inflection are important as well. Bobble your head from side to side, raise your eyebrows, and point your finger as you assert your opinions

Moore Alert

Michael Moore's new book is on the way. Dude, Where's My Country? The follow-up to Stupid White Men drops October 7. I cannot wait.

Enrollment

Slept better last night than I have in previous nights, but not a full seven hours as I would like. I was hoping to use the first week away from baseball season to get caught up on all of the things that I need to reset my life. [I can hear you all saying, "Good luck with all that."]

I was entertaining the idea of going to Iowa this weekend. There's a Howard Dean rally going on, and the Dean campaign is flying people from Dallas, Austin and Houston to stump for the Guv'nor. It's most-expenses paid (flights and lodging are taken care of, with only meals to consider), and the opportunity to meet Dean looms larger than if I stayed at home. However, my knee is doing its normal cranky dance, and I'm really still broke from the Cancun trip. So, it looks like I'm staying home.

Meanwhile, Marty's going to closing day at Wrigley Field. This is the first time since 1996 where I haven't been to Wrigley at least once during the season. I'm more than a little bitter, but at least M agreed to wear my Cubs jersey to the game.

The game will be amazing -- with five games left, the Cubs have a one-game lead in the NL Central. Who knows where they'll be in four days? Damned exciting time to be a Cubs fan.

I refuse to watch any of the '8 Simple Rules' episodes that John Ritter completed prior to his death. I'm sorry, but I think the way ABC is promoting the remainig eps is more than a little ghoulish.

The need seems to be increasing for the DaM.com Institute for Pop Culture. I may work on this while I'm stalling for time on my new column. Let's face it -- the number of times where someone tells me or Marty "I haven't seen X Movie" or "I've never heard a song from Z Band" grows daily. So, what this endeavor would do is give a movie and band each 'lesson.' If you've experienced each, kudos. If not, you'll have the opportunity to pick 'em up from Amazon through a purchase link (when the damned thing is available on CD or DVD, that is).

Remember, kids -- ignorance is not bliss. Ignorance is ignorance.

Shibumi

* About eight months ago, when Bush started to ramp up the war machine to head into Iraq, Marty and I were commenting on how disempowered we were feeling. The voices of dissent were growing louder by the day -- thousands of people were protesting the impending war, the evidence was piling up that the war wasn't necessary, and yet the Bush administration didn't care. They were going to have their war, whether we liked it or not.

That's when I heard about MoveOn.org. While they haven't been able to stem the tide of the Bush cabal's continual rape of America, at least they've gotten more people involved and motivated to try and fix things.

And now, they've launched a second site, aptly named the Daily MisLeader. It's a site that tracks specific times when Bush outright lies to the American people, such as the State of the Union Address which not only lied about the Iraqi ability to make war, but the forthcoming improvement of the American economy (not happening -- wages are still falling and unemployment soars) and promoting "energy independence" (ridiculous, since policies drafted by the Bush administration favor further dependence on Persian Gulf oil).

Today's missive from the MisLeader targets the Bush claim that Iraqi oil would help fund the repairs made necessary from our coup. It turns out that a highly publicized report that the Iraqi oil industry could not possibly allow for the kind of funding necessary to rebuild the country went unheeded by the Bush adminstration. The allowance has shot up from $2.5 billion, to $20.5 billion. You do the math.

* On a wholly lighter note (and thank God), the incredible asswhip that is Rowdy, mascot for the Dallas Cowboys, is examined in wonderous detail by the Dallas Morning News. If there is any justice, both Rowdy and Rangers Captain, the inexplicably popular mascot for the Texas Rangers, will go away in my lifetime.

Overheard

M: How's my storm doing?  How many people have I killed?
D: I'm looking it up now.
M: You know, instead of a full hurricane, I think I should be a Tropical Depression.  That would be more appropriate.
D: Is that a storm that just listens to a lot of Radiohead?